I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize