Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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