We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
