he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
