I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i just sent this text using only my big toe
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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