She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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