Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize