Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
