either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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