woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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