I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
