I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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