she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Two words: blizzard sex
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
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