So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
