Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
