why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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