1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
We just shotgunned beers for America
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
