Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
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