My friends, they love my intelligence
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
