just come out here and I will go home with you...
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
