Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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