I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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