I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
