I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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