As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
