It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
