i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
