There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
