I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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