I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
