Screwed.edu
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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