its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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