I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
