i don't like sucking hair
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
