Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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