All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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