Who wears a wallet chain?!
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
