she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Drunk is a universal language darling
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
