Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
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