On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
