apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
