the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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