I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize