I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize