I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
