meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Randomize
