my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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