We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
