I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
