Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
