How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
