He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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