they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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