he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
