My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize