If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
