Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
