dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
