This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize