Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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