Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
