never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
