Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
