conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm sobbing to NWA
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
