Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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