I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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