I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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