Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
