I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
