I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
i think im in europe. pls send help
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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