I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Randomize
