I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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