it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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