I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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