He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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