I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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