so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
