I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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