I could have mohawked her pubes.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
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