I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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