38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
