so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
