My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
he fucked my hip out of place.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
