Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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