does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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