also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
