none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
