3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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