he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
