i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
he just fucked me for my cheese.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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